Sunnyside Makes Pre-Emptive Strike Against Novelty Lighters

What?  Are you kidding me?  This is what our City Council spent time on this week?  Are they serious?  Is this for real?  Unfortunately, yes.

The growth of the nanny state continues.  Ever concerned about kids burning themselves, or starting a fire, the City Council made a pre-emptive strike against novelty lighters by banning them.  I say pre-emptive because according to Sunnyside Fire Chief Aaron Markham, that has never happened in Sunnyside.

Whew!  I feel safer already, knowing that this valuable use of City Council time has resulted in more lines in the City Code.  This use of City Council time need not be effective for Council Members to feel good about themselves.  It is all about protecting the children, and safety nazis won’t let anyone be an adult, when the government can be a nanny for all.  It’s not like we should expect parents to control access to lighters and matches.  A ban on lighters is needed, before it’s too late!

Showing bold leadership, the City Council has acted swiftly against what could be used as weapons of mass destruction in Sunnyside.  Launching a pre-emptive strike against this threat; the City Council is showing it believes in the Bush Doctrine whole-heartedly.  Businesses caught selling novelty lighters will be subject to fines, or worse.   These so-called novelty lighters, which some people say can be used for fun; are in fact, when in the little hands of child terrorists, used as incendiary devices to cause damage to themselves and others.  You see, the chemicals contained within these lighters can be used to cause a chain reaction.  A simple spark is all that is needed to start a fire.  Some people say that they are used for peaceful purposes.  Our City Council however, has the wisdom to see through that ruse.  There is simply no way a novelty lighter is going to be used for a peaceful purpose in Sunnyside.  That is why the City Council had to act now, before it is too late.  We can not wait to be attacked by rogue child terrorists wielding novelty lighters as playthings.  For reasons of City Security, the City will be notifying retail stores to rid their inventories of this threat; even extending to street vendors at community events such as Cinco de Mayo.

Accidents have allegedly occurred across the country where a ban is not present.  Rumors persist that child terrorists may accidentally pick up a real gun, thinking it is a novelty lighter, and shoot themselves or others.  Stop laughing.  This is the most important issue for our City Council right now.

We still don’t have a balanced budget, even after reducing the size of our police force.  But this is more important.  Non-profit fire fighting groups are advocating that we take this action immediately.

For reference see the Yakima Herald article: Sunnyside passes novelty lighter ban